Boys will be boys. That’s how the old saying goes right? Unfortunately, too many times that saying is used as a way to justify a double standard for men and women. This issue has come to light even more with recent behavior of social media with regards to the press around R&B singer Kehlani and the press about Nick Young and D’angelo Russell.
A few weeks ago, it reached public discourse that Kehlani allegedly cheated on her boyfriend, NBA player Kyrie Irving, with her ex-boyfriend singer PARTYNEXTDOOR. After waxing poetics on her love for Kyrie Irving not too long ago, PARTYNEXTDOOR posted a photo of him holding Kehlani’s hand in bed with the caption, “After all the shenanigans, still got the R&B singer back in my bed.” Speculation then arose that Kehlani was a cheater, and the internet began its quick and reliable witch hunt.
Memes were created and hashtags went viral. Kehlani’s recent feature on Zayn’s track “Wrong” even went trending. Not too long after, Kehlani posted a picture to her Instagram and then subsequently deleted the post of an IV in her arm, explaining she was not a cheater and hinted a possible suicide attempt.
A similar situation occurred in the NBA a couple of weeks ago, when a video of Nick Young allegedly admitting to cheating with various women surfaced. The video was taken by his teammate D’Angelo Russell. Social media scolded him for breaking guy code by exposing his friend in the video.
It, is alleged that his own teammates will not speak to him, eat with him, or even ride on the same bus as him. This is a total 180 from the way we reacted to the Kehlani/Kyrie situation. Instead of chastising Nick Young for cheating on his fiance, we decided to blame the person that exposed him. In Kehlani’s case, there has not been that much blame to PND for exposing her.
Cheating is an accepted wrong, but the narrative created around each gender tends to start a different dialogue. For women, they are selfish who can’t be trusted and out in the world breaking hearts. A common sentiment shared in phrases like, “These hoes ain’t loyal.” For men, especially famous ones, cheating is an amoral decision that sometimes comes with the territory. If you’re an artist or a sports player, what else is going to happen when you have your pick of women? If a man cheats, his reputation can still survive. If a woman cheats, that becomes her reputation. It becomes easier for us to demonize a woman for her mistakes, and to begrudgingly accept them in a man. Especially when it involves sex.
Unless of course you’re on the other side of the spectrum, the woman herself, and from that side of the mountain, the view is as clear as it gets. Sure, there have been publicity stunts putting women to blame for fancying another guy other than her own, but there have been plenty of cases where a guy has done the wrongdoing. Maybe you’re just not paying attention. And a couple of famous celebrities may have convinced a naive crowd that it’s okay for a guy to do it, but how often do we run into the classic scenario of “I know my boyfriend’s cheating on me… but we love each other.” It’s all a matter of perspective here, there’s no double standard unless you’re reading the wrong articles and focusing on cheap social media sites crowning stories of rap gods and their girlfriends.
As for “boys will be boys”? That’s the phrase mothers use to justify their seven-year old sons getting all muddy and dirty in the playground. Not sleeping with another woman, while their own waits at home, half-expecting she’ll get cheated on at one point or another because “boys will be boys”. If boys “can’t help being boys” then boys should not commit to relationships, get married, engage in long-term and trustworthy friendships because apparently, “boys will be boys” means boys lack the potential to be loyal. And if that’s the case, then we might sheepishly follow every other false stereotype, like girls spending all their money on clothes because, hey, girls will be girls.
