In an interview with NPR, actor Bryan Cranston once said that he was glad that “Breaking Bad” ended while fans still wanted more of him, instead of everyone dreading seeing his face onscreen. The same rule applies in music. Bands should die out in a brilliant flash like a star bursting into a supernova, but unfortunately there are those select bands that make the choice to prolong their demise for as long as possible. They choose to publicly bleed out their legacy until they are nothing but a sad, permanent black mark on a record that should have been spotless.
1. Black Flag
I understand that hardcore punk thrives off of anger and perpetual angst, but any band, no matter the genre, must have ample amounts of brotherly love. Seminal punk legends Black Flag have had their reunion mired in conflict. Founding guitarist Greg Ginn reformed the band in early 2013 with an all new lineup that completely bombed with critics and fans. A separate Black Flag reunion, just named Flag, led by founding bassist Chuck Dukowski and singer Keith Morris rivaled Ginn’s incarnation and sparked a lawsuit battle. Ginn fought to claim the Black Flag name and all of its iconography, but ultimately lost, both legally and in the eyes of fans.
2. The Pixies
The Pixies have been unquestionably one of the most influential bands of the past three decades. They reformed in 2009 to celebrate the 20th anniversary of their classic album “Doolittle,” but the reunion lost all credibility when founding bassist Kim Deal left the group in early 2013. As innovative as lead guitarist/singer Frank Black is, Deal’s driving bass lines were crucial to the popularity of The Pixies’ sound. Now The Pixies have hired another bass player only to promptly fire her, and released their first EP in decades to near-universal dismay. Despite the negative reaction, Black continues to beat the dead horse with plans to release an all-new album this year, with one of the most cringe-worthy titles I’ve ever seen, “Indie Cindy.”
3. Smashing Pumpkins/Billy Corgan in general
Somewhere there is a parallel universe where The Smashing Pumpkins released their beloved double album “Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness” and they stopped while their audience craved more. But alas, we live in the universe where Billy Corgan has spent the better part of 15 years tarnishing his legacy with sub-par books of poetry, a poorly received reunion, and, most recently, an absolutely confusing eight-hour ambient jam somehow inspired by Herman Hesse’s 1922 novel “Siddhartha.” Please, Billy Corgan, for the good of humanity’s eardrums, put down your guitar and pick up a hobby that doesn’t remotely involve music. Like hot yoga, or gardening, or living off the land in a deserted cabin somewhere maps can’t find.
4. Hole
Full disclosure, this pick stems partially from the fact that I’m not totally convinced Courtney Love didn’t murder her much cooler husband Kurt Cobain. Potential murder case aside, grunge is dead. The genre defined a generation and now that generation is wearing ties, looking at their stock portfolios, and trading coffee for green tea.
5. Guns N’ Roses
Besides the fact that Axl Rose is unofficially one of glam metal’s greatest assholes, keeping Guns N’ Roses alive is not only beating a dead horse, but Rose’s voice actually sounds like a dying horse. Assuming of course the horse died from chain smoking and cheap booze.
