We all have that friend on Facebook–the one who changes his or her relationship status every other day. There was one day that my friend changed her status from “In a Relationship” to “In a Complicated Relationship” and then to “Single.” The cycle of relationship statuses started again the next day.
And with each new relationship update, the comments reflected the status—an outpouring of happiness (“You guys are so perfect for each other!”), then the “ugh, I hope it all works out,” and then, finally the “single” status with accompanying comments like “He’s such a piece of crap,” and “you’re so much better than him.”
Are we helping or hurting ourselves by being so public with the ups and downs of our relationships?
I am the opposite of my relationship rollercoaster Facebook friend. Only close friends know with whom I’m in a relationship, and only a couple of those people know if my significant other and I get into a fight.
On Facebook, it still says I’m single. This isn’t because I’m embarrassed of my boyfriend; it’s because I don’t think my relationship should be public. My relationship is between myself and one other person—not my 200+ friends online.
With the influx of social media, we want to let everyone into our lives—and we want to show others how “happy” we are in our relationships (whether we are or not).
We have what I call the “happy-Facebook-couple-syndrome,” where we compare our own relationships to the ones that pop up on our newsfeeds with cheesy pictures and cheerful updates. The updates make relationships seem easy and perfect, like something out of a Disney movie.
But we all know that real relationships take work and patience. Most of the time, they are not perfect. When you don’t constantly compare your relationship to those on your feed, you’ll have a better understanding of the particulars of your own relationship and can focus on your partner.
If you don’t mind having your “friends” involved in your relationship, then I say go for it. Put every fight and every bad relationship day out there for all to see, because it really is a show for the rest of us. We do love drama—if not in our own relationships, than through yours on Facebook.
What happens when person A puts a status about fighting with person B? Friends comment about how awful person B is and then that person sees it. Even though person A and B may work out their issues, person B will still been seen in a negative light with all the friends, which may cause some relationship friction.
I have a friend who broke up with his girlfriend of two years because of her over-sharing problem.
“Every time we had a fight, she posted something about it—got everyone involved, even her family. I couldn’t deal with it anymore,” he said.
With the amount of over-sharing and openness that we have become accustomed to, it’s no surprise that relationships are not lasting as long. In fact, the average relationship only lasts an average of 2 years and 9 months. Is this because of social media? In part, perhaps. Perhaps there is also a correlation between the constant comparisons to other couples we see on social media. Do I think you should delete all social media, live in a cave and keep your relationship hidden? Absolutely not.
But a practicing a little more private, offline living may help you and your significant other become closer. This way, you can develop your own sense of what your relationship should be.
