Go West this summer and get ahead.

Who will be the next campus celebrity? — Georgia State X Factor

Who will be the next Campus Celebrity? I’m anxious to know. The notorious “Headphone Girl” isn’t quite the same. I saw her recently head banging her way to class and felt that her stardom has begun to fade away like summer jams of 2012 (you know how fast songs become outdated). And what happened to the sock twirlers? The two guys that were a level above Fushigi. What started off as a solo act, grew to become a duo. Their enchanted routine is paramount to the magic Criss Angel. And wait, Anonymous! Where has she been lately? For those of unfamiliar, she is like the Rumpelstiltskin of Georgia State. Her alias “Anoynymous” is one of the best-kept secrets since Lance Armstrong admitted to doping. But who will be the next and to make their breakout at GSU and become newly inducted into the Campus Celebrity Hall of Fame?

My predictions are:

Mr. Tai-Chi –Much like the quarterback from California in Remember the Titans, this guy (or girl) will have surpassed doing yoga for reaching enlightenment by age of the thirteen. But this is GSU, so they’lll be a bit less mesmerizing. I am partial to saying so because I foresee them wearing those shoes that come with the toes.

URGE Abortion

The Flower Girl– Okay, first off, I pray she’s hot. But even if not, how we rate her on a scale of one-to-ten is irrelevant. The Flower girl will wear a Jesus crown. She’ll frolic throughout campus with a basket of flowers spreading pedals and joy everywhere. Her loose fitting shawl and barefoot attire will draw the warmness out of our hearts. And someone will yell from a distance “Hey, leave her alone!” while the police antagonize her for illegally planting seeds to one-day stem flowers.

Mr. Fonzworth Bentley Jr. – Possibly the coolest, most forward looking of them all. At first, he will be proclaimed “weird” but that will just be the haters talking. And they’re only mad because they didn’t think of it first. Jr. will walk underneath an umbrella, even on a sunny day. He’ll play music loud enough for the people around him to hear, but through a portable jukebox. That way, he can take your request rather than blast unpopular, ratchet songs by Gucci Mane that no one cares to hear. Mr. Bentley might even keep a yo-yo and do some pretty cool tricks. He’ll have all the throwbacks, like a pair of light up tennis shoes.

So those are my hopeful predictions. I doubt any of them will come true, but am still excited to dub the next Campus Celebrity. Maybe it will be a person that attends class in a banana outfit every day, or a yodeler that performs at 3:14, or even a scuba diver practicing in the fountain at the Courtyards. But it’s only a matter of time until our next spectacle. May ye come forth!

Be the first to comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.


*


The Signal