As Valentine’s Day approaches, rose petals litter the floor, bottles are popped and hearts are everywhere. The metro area is painted red and pink, and love is in the air.
NBC reports that, on average, women orgasm 65% of the time in heterosexual relationships, compared to 95% of their male counterparts.
While some women produce more orgasms than other women, the 74.4% rate of orgasms in lesbian relationships still pales in comparison to the 95% of heterosexual males, 88% of bisexual males and 89% of homosexual males.
Georgia State junior Kaila Hill attributes these low rates to the gendered expectations of what is considered “proper” female sexual behavior.
“Women are taught to be very giving and not look for pleasure in their own sexuality,” Hill said. “We’re shunned from our sexuality.”
On the topic of orgasm statistics among lesbian women, Hill attributed the higher rates to familiarity.
“Women don’t have to be taught, because they have a vagina,” she said. “It’s merely what you want on a different person.”
A woman’s familiarity with female anatomy may contribute to higher rates of orgasm, but the statistics aren’t high enough for this to be as simple as familiarity.
Women and sex aren’t meant to mesh together. Sex is marketed from the male lens. Men can enjoy sex anywhere that they turn. From the average soda advertisement to the kinkiest pornography, men can pick out an object of desire with little to no regard for the other person involved.
The male gaze permeates every facet of media, even in the media marketed toward women.
The depiction of female pleasure always has a male interest behind it. Female orgasms in porn depict women as faucets, setting an unrealistic standard for women and enticing fascinated male viewers. Women are given a platform for a sexually liberated facade when they are a fetishized shape and size.
If we put an ounce of the time and effort into sex for the female gaze, perhaps we would see an increase in female orgasms and general attitudes toward sex.
If a woman could see the man of her dreams, regardless as to his race or size; if a woman could see non-traditional depictions of group play, BDSM and role play that cater to her needs, rather than her boyfriend; and if women could see themselves as more than just the vixens in pornography and other forms of sex work, then the stigma around objective female sexuality would be broken.
If more outlets promoted female sexuality and made it as ubiquitous as male sexuality then more people, including women, would understand how a woman’s body works. There would be a higher comfort level around discussing sex and requiring mutual pleasure.
This Valentine’s Day, instead of thinking of sex as your reward for a teddy bear that she didn’t want, think of sex as a playground — one that everyone can enjoy and use their colorful imagination.
This Valentine’s Day, give your Valentine a gift that she really wants: an orgasm her way.
