Virgins are becoming a minority in the commercial world, and virginity has become taboo––almost something one should be ashamed of, as portrayed in the film ‘The 40 Year Old Virgin.’ This is because sex sells; therefore, pop culture gives people what they want. With all the added pressure from friends, significant others and society, it can be difficult to even consider not having sex. But at the age of fifteen, I made the radical decision of choosing to remain abstinent until marriage.
It’s not because I don’t want to disappoint my parents, it’s not because of religion and I’m not asexual. I decided to stay a virgin due to something I call ‘The Disney Causation Factor.’ When I was a child, I grew up watching the classic Disney princess films, which instilled in me a sense of hopeless romanticism. As I aged, the romantic in me leaked its way into the more carnal aspects of my life.
For me, sex is something that is beautiful and precious. It is the purest, most intimate kind of love that you can share with someone. To give that to somebody is the greatest gift you can give and I want to save it for my one true love who, in my case, is going to be the man I’ll marry.
Not everyone shares this “Disney Causation Factor,” but no matter how you look at sex––and there are so many different ways to look at it––you should be comfortable with your sex partner. It should be a meeting of the minds, just as much as it is a meeting of the body.
Waiting to have sex allows you to reach a certain level of mental and emotional intimacy before you take that irrevocable step. Often, in a relationship, you get so wrapped up in the physical chemistry that you lose sight of other aspects that are just as––if not even more important––than sexual compatibility.
The desire for sex is fantastic and natural, and despite the focus on concepts such as purity, having sex does not make you ‘impure.’ It’s all just a matter of preference. Waiting to have sex for the first time does not make you a ‘good’ person, nor does having sex make you a ‘bad’ person.
I am not a saint, and I make no claim to being perfect. The hardest part has always been resisting the temptation to give in, because being intimate does feel good.
I’ve been through my share of heartbreak over my decision, and it’s not always easy to stay true. I’ve dealt with men giving me ultimatums and friends trying to convince me, but I’ve managed to hold strong on my decision. Very often, their arguments are logical, tempting or sometimes just so irritating that I’m ready to give up on chastity all together. There can be a lot of doubt involved. However, I have to ask myself if it’s really worth it to ruin the romance of that experience in order to give into my physical craving desire and bring everything into perspective.
When you finally find the person who is willing to wait with you and respect your wishes, it is one of the sweetest feelings there is. Only when someone accepts you for who you are—no questions asked—is when they deserve to have this level of intimacy.
In the end, it’s a personal choice and is all about what’s right for you as an individual. You have to take the time to sit down and analyze yourself to determine which path is the one that best fits you, whether it’s abstinence or seeing your body as a temple fit to be worshipped and caressed by all who wish.
There is no single right path, and both sides come with their own problems. While society and vehicles like the media work to perpetuate sex, you do have a choice. I made my choice five years ago and am proud to have kept up my end of the promise.