The Five Love Languages

Illustration by Shemar DeBellotte | The Signal

You’re trying. Your partner has expressed dissatisfaction in your relationship, so you decide to go the extra mile to express your love for them. 

You ask your friends for gift ideas that they like and try to remember that date night your ex enjoyed, and you plan a special night for your significant other.

After the gifts are given and your date night comes to a close, you still feel like your love is lost in translation, causing lingering issues in your relationship. 

Poor communication is to blame for this, specifically about your love languages. 

Love languages are ways to express feelings of love in a deep and meaningful way  best received by someone you have a relationship with. 

The renowned marriage counselor and author Gary Chapman created the concept of love languages. 

Chapman focused on romantic relationships in his novel “The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate,”  he explains that people usually express love in ways that they prefer to receive it. 

People can accomplish strong communication in relationships when each person can demonstrate love in the language the other person understands.

Many published studies have proven the validity of love languages by sharing how it increases happiness and longevity in relationships. 

What I am saying is when it comes to relationships, throw away everything you have learned about treating others the way you want to be treated and learn about your partner, your family, and your friend’s needs.


What are the five love languages?

Words of Affirmation: Nope, actions do not always speak louder than words. If unsolicited compliments, words of encouragement from a loved one, and the words like “I love you” mean the world to you, this might be your primary love language. 

This love language focuses on verbal reassurance. Someone with this love language might  need their partner to tell them that they’re proud of them to turn their day from misery to bliss.

Quality Time: Maybe your loved one telling you they’re proud of you isn’t enough to turn your day around. 

You’d rather have them come over to your house and spend leisure time with you, even if you guys choose not to exchange many words. 

Someone who appreciates quality time above all else wants to spend a lot of uninterrupted time with the people they love.

Acts of Service: To a person with this love language, taking out the trash and running an errand for them is the most expensive gift you can give. One of the best feelings is having someone to help you out when you’re swamped with school work and other priorities.

Gift Giving: You’re not materialistic. You  appreciate visual expressions of love. 

This could look like a friend giving you their old sweatshirt because you told them you loved it or your partner buying you a Chanel purse, either way, you feel loved.

Physical Touch: This is not limited to the bedroom. You’re someone who gets butterflies when your partner holds your hand in public. A hug gives you security and belonging in your relationship.

So, what is your love language? In my experience, I cannot settle on one way I receive love best. I want  to think I resonate with all five  love languages. 

Thankfully, you can take a short online quiz that tells you your primary love language and a percentage of importance for each of the other love languages. 

Have you and your partner take the quiz and go from there. You will see how much your relationship flourishes with this new knowledge about one another.