Editor’s Note: This week’s column is NSFW (not safe for work). Read at your own discretion.
It’s no secret that threesomes have become the Holy Grail of sexual fantasies—sharing your partner with another person is both erotic and taboo.
If you want to try a threesome, my first suggestion is that you talk with your partner about it.
Matt, a guy I was dating, knew I was open to the idea. If I hadn’t communicated that to him, I don’t think it would have happened. Jealously can be a major problem with threesomes, but I think if you and your partner share the mindset that it’s purely physical and emotion has nothing to do with it, then you can pull it off.
My first threesome was completely by accident and completely organic. Matt, like me, didn’t really buy into monogamy. Even with my years of experience in “non-traditional” polyamorous relationships, I hadn’t taken the leap into the wild world of threesomes. It was just something that I wasn’t ready for.
So when it did happen, it was unexpected. Matt and I spent a weekend at his house. He had friends over throughout the weekend too and on the last day I was there, his friend Dylan and I were the only ones there. Matt and I went up to his room to have sex before I left. While we were in the middle of foreplay, Dylan came in. It was suddenly like a scene out of a porn—he jumped in and joined.
Now, you might be wondering how I would or could just let it happen. I’ll be honest when I say that I found Dylan very attractive and the thought of having two men at once turned me on.
Sometimes, situations with threesomes can be a bit uncomfortable and awkward. It can be hard to transition from having sex with two people to having sex with three or more. I’ve found that the easiest way to diffuse the awkwardness is to spend some time with each person individually. This way each person involved still feels important and relevant in the threesome.
If you’re unsure what positions to be in during the threesome, it’s best to use material from your brain’s spank bank from the porn you’ve seen. Watching porn is the easiest way to find positions that everyone is into. Just keep in mind that if there are some awkward transitions into positions, it’s alright. Porn stars practice these things a lot more than the average person.
Also, take notes from porn about finishing together. Try and “edge” (hold off your orgasm) until everyone can orgasm together. It makes the cumulative orgasm one of the best you and your partners has ever had.
At first, I had only one inside me at a time while I performed oral on the other one. But after we had warmed up, it became more extreme—I had Matt in my vagina while Dylan and I were having anal. After we were finished, we all laid together in the bed smoking a cigarette and laughing about how the situation came to be. For me, I think I enjoyed the fact that it was unexpected and with people that I knew.
I needed Matt to be there emotionally for me when we were finished with the threesome and he was. Because of that, he made me feel secure in the relationship even though he had “shared” me with someone else. There’s always a risk in having a threesome that your relationship won’t be the same after, which is why communication is key.
Although threesomes can be daunting and even taboo, once you experience one in a safe, fun atmosphere, you realize there is a reason why it’s such a coveted act all over the world—it’s unlike anything you will ever try sexually with one partner and something I believe everyone should consider.
