Editor’s Note: This week’s column is #NSFW (not safe for work). Read at your own discretion.
I started dipping into BDSM when I was around 18, and I haven’t missed vanilla sex since.
Being in the lifestyle for 10 years now, I have more experience knowing what I like and what I don’t. Just because you’re into kink doesn’t mean you have to like every aspect of it. Usually, there is a dominant and a submissive partnership, meaning, one person holds the power and domination over the other. I am a submissive and have been for many years now. I like to be submissive to my Dominant.
A lot of people have a misconception about what BDSM (Bondage Discipline Sadism Masochism) is and all that the BDSM lifestyle entails. Most people’s idea of what BDSM is seems based on Fifty Shades of Grey, which is filled with misconceptions and inaccurate portrayals of the lifestyle.
Truth be told, Fifty Shades is amateur hour compared to real BDSM. The difference between “vanilla” relationships and those of a submissive, like myself, is that you learn to trust your partner to take you to the physical tipping point. You learn to let go of the traditional ideas of what sex is or can be. You find intimacy in pleasing someone, and in return, that person is pushing you to orgasm through dominating you.
If you want to explore the lifestyle, my best advice is to find a partner that has been in the lifestyle for a long time. They have the experience and knowledge that will make the exploration of fetishes fun and safe. Some people are scared of BDSM and even the idea of it, however, there’s really nothing to be afraid of. It’s just a type of sexual expression that some people partake in. In fact, recent studies have found that people who participate in BDSM have a healthier view on sexuality and more open relationships.
If you are already into BDSM, but your partner isn’t, that poses a serious question of whether or not you can live without it in your sex life. I think sexual compatibility is very important in a relationship. If you don’t have the same fetishes or at least the same interests, it’s going to take a toll on your relationship. I’ve tried to have “vanilla” sex many times, and I have a hard time achieving orgasm.
I can still remember my first experience with BDSM. He came towards me and tied me up to the ceiling with silk rope to the point I was immobile. He placed a ball-gag in my mouth so that I was unable to say anything. I was starting to get turned on.
With me tied to the ceiling in front of him, he walked around me, sizing me up, trying to figure out where he would start. As his submissive, I wouldn’t dare to question him or give him a suggestion. I waited patiently. He began to smile and put the blindfold over my eyes. I wouldn’t be able to see what he was planning to do.
The first whip came on my ass. He had chosen the leather flogger. I felt every inch of the leather hitting my bare skin. With every bit of pain, I got more aroused. Although it was painful, I enjoyed it, and my partner could tell.
If you and your partner want to try BDSM, I suggest starting out with the basics: blindfolds and handcuffs. I think adding these basics will help introduce you and your partner to further your exploration into the BDSM world. Once you get comfortable with these, move on to floggers and nipple clamps. That will heighten the experience for both of you. If you’re unsure if you prefer to be the dominant or submissive, try both. Get a feel for what is most comfortable for you and your partner(s).
