In America, we share a culturally accepted belief that men and women can’t just be friends. Among the reasons that we can’t just accept the opposite-sex friendship are awkward sexual tension, jealousy of significant others and inherent differences between our sexes.
My mother is notoriously guilty of this kind of thinking – the last time she found out I was hanging out with a male friend, I was confronted with waves of questions like, how long have we been dating? Is it serious? After I tell her we are just friends she has one of two reactions: I’m lying or I’m a lesbian.
According to Psychology Today, a cultural shift has put a new theory into today’s culture – “Though it may be tricky, men and women can successfully become close friends.” That’s what I’ve been saying for years!
According to the article, we as a society have singled out romance as the only male-female relationship. We can’t grasp or categorize male-female friendships. Our brains just can’t wrap around the fact that men and women can hang out and won’t have sex.
I think that the best relationships in life are the friendships between opposite sexes. When there isn’t any sexual tension, you’re free to hang out with your platonic friend sans makeup, in your pjs and with matted hair. There’s deep trust in a non-sexual relationship with my guy friends – I can call them when I’m going through a breakup and somehow when they say my ex was an idiot, it makes me feel better than if any of my girlfriends had said it.
One of my best friends is named Zach. He and I have known each other since high school – close to 11 years of friendship. We have never been sexual with each other. We have never kissed.
I asked him to describe our friendship. He said “our friendship is one of compassion, understanding, truth and grace. And all of this is unconditional, which is why it’s stood the test of time.”
With this kind of friendship, I can say without any doubt in my mind that any romantic relationship that comes into my life is going to have to deal with the fact that my best friend is a guy.
Instead of worrying about the pressures of having a relationship from friends and family, I urge you to create a foundation of friendship. In my opinion, the best relationships are the ones based on friendship. If something blossoms from that friendship, awesome. If not, you still have a great friend.
