Ladies First

Artists like Georgia Okeefe have popularized imagry of nature, mainly flowers, that resemble female anatomy. Photo by Lloyd D'Souza on

Did you know that during heterosexual sex, women are far less likely than men to have an orgasm? 

A 2016 study from the Archives of Sexual Behavior found that 95% of heterosexual men always orgasm during sex, while only 65% of women of heterosexual women usually do. 

This term, known as the orgasm gap, was coined by Dr. Laurie Mintz. 

Mintz blames this inequality in the bedroom on the inaccurate depictions of heterosexual sex in pornography, which has created a culture in which there is an over-emphasis on male sexuality while simultaneously creating an undervaluing of female sexuality.

Some say  this gap is the cultural ignorance surrounding women’s bodies and the lack of importance given to the clitoris during heterosexual intercourse. 

Many women are unable to orgasm solely through penetrative intercourse. 

Most women require clitoral stimulation to reach an orgasm, and unfortunately, many men do not know or care about how to pleasure a woman. 

In fact, according to a 2019 study done in the United Kingdom, 31% of men did not know where the clitoris was and more than half could not accurately locate the vagina. 

Heterosexual women were the least likely demographic to orgasm in bed. Women who love other women have been found to have more frequent orgasms than women who are in relationships with men. 

I was shocked to find that many  of my  girlfriends, who have been in serious relationships for years, often do not orgasm when having sex with their long-term male partners. 

We, as women, have been taught to be submissive and put men’s needs above our own, especially in bed. We will even sometimes subject ourselves to discomfort  to pleasure our partners. 

It can be hard to speak up and express what we want or feel  good about, but we must start doing so.

One of the most important things a woman can do for herself steps  into her sexual power and own what she wants and needs in bed. 

Women often forget that our pleasure is essential  too, and we deserve so much better than mediocre sex with mediocre men. 

It is  heartbreaking to know that many women sometimes see sex as a chore or  something that isn’t necessarily pleasurable for them.

Sex can be fun for women! It should be enjoyable. 

If it isn’t, it is probably time to reevaluate who we are giving our time and energy. 

When you speak up about your needs and they still aren’t being met, you should not settle for that. No one deserves lousy sex.

So to all the women reading this, if your man isn’t making you come, dump him. You can do better.

After all, it’s supposed to be ladies first.