Editors note: TRIGGER WARNING for discussion of sexual assault and rape.
Everyone has sexual fantasies, but where do we draw the line?
Society often draws the line at sexual assault. They say “it’s wrong” and that if something happens to you, to report it, to “not be afraid.” But many then go and question you about every detail, like it’s a steamy sex story.
Some people actually fetishize the act. As a survivor, this makes me sick to my stomach. It is something that shouldn’t be normalized. It’s all fun and games until your fantasy becomes a reality.
Being raped isn’t a dream.
It’s the effort you put into doing everyday activities because your mind is continually running, trying to make sense of why this happened to you.
It’s your local law enforcement failing you because of “lack of evidence.”
It’s not coming to terms with the fact that you were raped for days, weeks, months and sometimes even years.
No one asks for this to happen to them. I didn’t ask for that empty feeling, the feeling like you are missing a part of yourself.
For people to just want the “dominant sex,” the “rough sex,” the “I want you to unapologetically have sex with me but with my consent, of course,” for them to want the “nice version of rape” makes me sick to my stomach.
There is no nice version of rape. Rape is rape. Not having consent is rape. Forced is forced. If you want to be pressured into doing a sexual act, you have no business doing it in the first place.
Porn plays a big part in people having rape fetishes, especially bondage, gangbang, hardcore and rough sex. Many of these are staged productions with consenting adults. Some people don’t see the reality of it.
Being tied up and scared, being used as a toy for men you don’t even know — there’s a big difference between fantasizing about being forced against your will to have sex with someone and the reality of it.
Based on my experiences, people rape because they want to be in control. They want to be dominant, not just because they want to have sex. To make this even worse, it’s not only the male population with these fetishes. It’s mainly the women who have these desires.
I know people who make rape jokes, and if I complain about these jokes, I am just “sensitive.” I know people who have rape fetishes, and when I try to educate them about it not being what they want, they are quick to bring me down as if I liked what happened to me.
As if I wanted to live with the feeling. The morning after, you wake up with this feeling that something has been taken from you. It’s not the missing clothes or the urge to throw up. It’s the emptiness you feel. The feeling that your freedom to consent has been taken away.
How could someone ask for that?
I’m not writing as an attack on people and their fetishes. You are into what you are into, whether that be feet or anime or whatever. I’m just bringing attention to something that shouldn’t be normalized.
People are out here getting raped every day. They aren’t asking for it. It’s not okay to dream about having non-consensual sex. Non-consensual sex is rape.
One of our fundamental human rights is the right to say no, so why would you dream about taking that away?