Wrapping it up this Christmas is the best present you can give

“Raw dogging” is a common term men like to use. For those of you unfamiliar with what that is, there’s context clues. Anyways, this holiday season, I highly encourage you not let this happen. I wouldn’t even raw dog if it were one of my wet dreams.

A very reliable source shared with me that “the CDC reports that 1 in every 4 college students has an STD.” Now do you see why I advise against it?

As unreasonable as it may sound, that’s a risk not worth taking. It’s like playing a game of Jinga. The odds keep stacking up against you. And all it takes is that one wrong move for everything to come crashing down around you. Game over. Yeah, you can play again, but nobody’s going to want to put back in the same piece you pulled out.

Now, look—I didn’t mean to scare you out of “getting it in,” as our generation calls it. As a matter of fact, now is a more perfect time than ever. Why? According to studies, “more than twice as many condoms are sold in the week before Christmas than the week after.”

You know what that means? People are disappointed by whatever presents they did or didn’t receive, thus frustrating their sexual stimulus or appetite. I know gift cards without money may get most of you out the mood. I’m more of the “it’s the thought that counts” type of person.

So, this Christmas, if all you have is a bit of change, let it jingle. Jingle all the way to that counter on a pack of baby nets. And get your ho, ho, ho on! Don’t act like you’re innocent reading this. Why stop at a kiss under the mistletoe?