Popping the cherry, losing your V-card, being deflowered, joining the ranks, the first time! However you want to call it, “losing” your virginity has many names and looks like many different things, but is widely accepted to mean having sex for the first time.
As the second-sexiest staff member of The Signal, I’m here to bring you good news about “losing” your virginity, whether or not you already have.
Historically, people considered “losing your virginity” as the first time you have penetrative sex, penis-in-vagina sex. These days, we all know that not only is that thinking outdated, it’s also boring.
Sex can and should be, whatever you want it to be, and therefore, your first time having sex can be whatever you want it to be. Depending on your definition of sex, you can even “lose” it multiple times.
Your virginity is down to your choice and you should feel empowered to “lose” it however you want.
Even medically/physically, your virginity is not defined. For a long time, a sign a person has had sex was if their hymen broke. The hymen is a thin, elastic membrane that lines the opening of the vagina, and although it can break during penetrative sex, it doesn’t always. But, if you don’t trust me a non-expert, non-doctor, let’s consult the professionals:
From Cleveland Clinic: “The hymen has a reputation for being an indicator of sexual activity — like a hard, seal-like covering that blocks your vagina — but it usually has no connection to whether a woman (or person assigned female at birth) has had sex.”
From Jonathan Schaffir MD, Obstetrician/Gynecologist, Clinical Professor at the Ohio State Wexner Medical Center: “The most common myth around the hymen is that it remains ‘intact’ until it’s broken during vaginal penetration, which renders it a physical marker of virginity.”
Because there isn’t any real indicator of whether or not someone is a virgin, why are people so concerned about “losing” it? Virginity is a social construct. It is a universally accepted, imaginary trait that people give value to for a myriad of reasons.
One reason is the social factor. There is pressure for people to lose their virginity as a sign of adulthood, or liberation. It’s a sign you’re not a loser, that you are mature, that you have enough social value to have sex with someone, someone that might be considered attractive. The reality is that it does not matter.
Have sex, don’t have sex, you can still be cool I promise. There needs to be an abolishment of the currency called virginity.
It also applies to vice versa. People should not have their “social value” evaluated because of how much they have sex, whether it’s very little, or very often. There are a lot of factors that contribute to the wrongful shaming of people, women in particular, who have sex.
People do have their reasons for not having sex too. In many religions and cultures, there is an expectation that you save your virginity for whomever you marry. Your virginity then becomes a gift to your life partner and adds a level of exclusiveness and intimacy. Although, historically, the shaming of premarital sex was a tool that reduced the autonomy and agency of women, there is a modern appeal to it. The evolution of women’s and LGBTQ+ rights alongside the promotion of sex education paves the way for people to make more informed and guided decisions with their virginity, including the choice of not losing it.
The major factor in all of this is choice.
Virginity in all its mysticism is boiled down to “sex is what you want it to be.”
Whether you are waiting for the right one, or maybe you lost it to your first partner. Maybe you lost your virginity to a one-night stand or a hookup from a dating app. You might lose it to someone you meet at a bar or you’re already friends. Maybe you love them. Maybe you hate them.
If it is legal, if it is consensual, and done with sound of mind, I encourage all people to do what they want with their virginity. It is yours, to do with whatever you want to. Being a virgin does not mean you are a loser, and losing it will not make you cool.
Wrap it up, stay safe, and consent is key.
