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Five unrealistic Sexpectations you need to know

Photo Illustration by Julian Pineda | The Signal Archives

As sexual beings, the longing for stimulation and finding tranquility in a partner begins with identifying erotic preferences. However, with the hunger for sex on the mind, the consumption of accurate knowledge is needed to properly execute a sensual situation. Humans absorb unrealistic sex expectations throughout their pubescent years and on. Whether you missed the awkward day of class where your health teacher talked about abstinence, or you skimmed over the label on how to apply a condom correctly, you should know the facts and identify the myths before experimenting with sex. These misconceptions can dabble in the first time’s meaningful experience, the reality of porn, body misconceptions and the miracle works of birth control. But, the truth is, sex is a very personal and varying matter. Staying open and communicative with your partner about your likes and dislikes are the keys to an enjoyable time. Unfortunately, generalizations and sex myths can leave you in the dark when pursuing a significant other, or even understanding your own sexuality. To ensure the comfortability of yourself and your partner, be able to safely recognize and conquer these five common misinterpreted “sexpectations.”

1. The first time will be perfect!
Losing your virginity is a significant step into adulthood in the American ideology. But is it really as big of a deal as we are told it is supposed to be? Every instance of intercourse, whether horrendous or remarkable, at a party or after marriage, has an unforgettable story attached to it. According to Georgia State students, it does not always go as planned.

Male perspective:
Phillip Quinones, Senior
“My first time didn’t go well. I lost my virginity in a cast and crutches in the backseat of my mom’s car that had no AC with a girl I met at a party. I think losing your virginity should be a funny story to tell and something that shouldn’t go perfectly. It was funny and hilarious and a fun life moment I will remember forever. At this stage, having better sex is important, love can come later for me.”

URGE Abortion

Female perspective:
Kailey Autrey, Sophomore
“It was in my parents’ house. My parents were really open about sex because my mom got pregnant with me young, because her parents weren’t open about it. But they were gone, and my boyfriend at the time lived in my neighborhood and I was texting him ‘the coast is clear!’ and I was expecting it to happen but not expecting it to happen at the same time. I had my phone on silent, so… it happened, and everything was extremely awkward. Then I go to check my phone and I had 52 missed calls from my mom. I called her back, and she was crying hysterically because she thought I was dead.”

2. Sex is exactly like porn!
At the click of a button, millions of videos of sexual acts are at any internet user’s fingertips. But let’s face it, porn is just a fantasy. So why make unrealistic expectations by watching it?

Male perspective:
Ramin Alibeik, Freshman
“Porn is just a fantasy, and it’s not good for the brain. It makes people view each other in an unrealistic way, and it can be very addicting. People who watch porn will end up actually having sex and they won’t enjoy it as much as they fantasize in their head because it’s totally different.”

Female perspective:
December Weir, Sophomore
“I tried it, but I stopped because it was just so violent and degrading to everyone. I don’t watch it, but I’ll go out of my way to talk about masturbation just to break the taboo that women can’t indulge in that kind of sexual pleasure.”

Professional perspective:
Dr. Kevin Rios
“Everything is ‘perfect’ in porn. The actors tend to be fit, muscular, and have a larger than average penis. The actresses tend to have larger breasts and/or buttocks. One constant seems to be that porn stars are highly skilled at what they do and have no trouble pleasuring their partner(s). This can create an expectation that every sexual experience will be just as great as it is in porn. Sex can be smelly, hot, sweaty, messy, and sometimes awkward, yet most porn scenes do not portray this.”

Wake Forest University

3. Birth control is the all-encompassing solution!
Forms of birth control range from the condom to the shot, but depending on what works best for your body and your partner, you can find what will benefit you both.

Male perspective:
Travis Simmons Jr.
“Since I have a son myself, I would say the best form of birth control is to use a condom. I’ve had plenty of scares, but I don’t like that [the pill or shot] because I know it affects the woman’s body, and I’d rather just use a condom.”

Female perspective:
Moya Leung, Freshman
“With the pill, I think the most common misconception is that when you’re on the pill, you can still have sex without a condom. They do not prevent STDs, and you can still get pregnant if you don’t take it regularly.”

Professional perspective:
Dr. Kevin Rios
“The best forms of birth control tend to be the methods that are longer lasting and require fewer doctor visits. IUDs and hormone implants are shown to be some of the most highly effective forms of birth control. Male and female sterilization are highly effective as well, but unlike IUDs and hormone implants, they tend to be permanent. Condoms are effective, but have a higher failure rate due to improper use. Using lubricant that is compatible with the condom is highly recommended.”

4. Rockin’ bodies make for rockin’ sex!
When it comes to comfortable sex, self-confidence is key. Intercourse will be much smoother and fun if you both can feel free with your bodies, and not worrying about that tiny pimple on your back.

Male perspective:
Nathan Wallace, Freshman
“If you can allow someone who is comfortable with their body to be comfortable around you in a sexual atmosphere, it can go a great deal to increase intimacy, and usually any increase in intimacy and passion goes a long way to increase arousal, so, yes.”

Female perspective:
Dana Dellapi, Junior
“If you’re not comfortable with yourself, how can you be comfortable with someone else getting up in your space? It’s situational. [Sex] is different for every person, so you can’t go into something expecting it to be a certain way. Then things will get awkward, so giving them compliments during it is really important.”

Professional perspective:
Dr. Kevin Rios
“Some people may shy away from sex due to a fear of being judged, ridiculed, etc. A lack of body confidence may hold one back from exploring their sexual self. The anxiety associated with a lack of body confidence may prevent some men from maintaining an erection. Many cases of erectile dysfunction are caused by performance anxiety.”

5. Fetishes are just plain weird!
While the word “fetishes” might sound daunting, establishing your fetishes with your partner openly will eliminate the shock factor during intercourse.

Male perspective:
Dominic Choroski, Junior
“I’ve come to realize that I am very much interested in bondage and that pain can sometimes be pleasurable. Truth be told, everyone has a fetish, whether you realize it or not. We all have some sort of kink that turns us on more than other things do. It’s something that is natural and apart of growing up and finding out about yourself as a sexual being. It’s something to be proud of in my opinion.”

Female perspective:
Anonymous, Sophomore
“I like to be choked — just because it keeps it spicy, but I don’t have to do any work. I guess since I’m getting less oxygen, everything is more intense.”

Professional perspective:
Dr. Kevin Rios
“Clients fear being judged or being viewed as deviant for expressing their fetishes. Fetishes can increase satisfaction in one’s relationship. A common misconception is that fetishes are deviant or wrong. A downside of this is that people with fetishes may internalize these attitudes and feel that there is something wrong with them. As long as their fetish is not causing psychological distress or difficulties in important areas in one’s life, I do not view it as problematic at all.”

Overall, realizing these common misconceptions will make your sex life a lot easier. In the words of Dr. Rios, “Communication is key. Expressing your wants and desires is one of the best ways of getting them fulfilled. I would also encourage those choosing to be sexually active to have fun! As long as sex is safe, ethical, and consensual, what that looks like does not matter.” So, if you’re planning your first time out in your weekly agenda, or trying to lose ten pounds before your next date, it’s better to face the fact that the more spontaneous the better. Experiment with your sexuality, but do it safely and consciously with your partner’s preferences in mind.

Happy Valentines Day! Let your freak flag fly!

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