How many sexual partners is too many?

When you start dating someone, many new questions come up—how is your relationship with your family? Where do you work? What’s your favorite band? How many people have you had sex with?

When I’m dating someone new, I am always honest, even when it comes to the number of people I have been sexually involved with. I was recently dating a guy who asked the “number” question. My number was significantly higher than his. It made him uncomfortable…so uncomfortable that we stopped dating, and I haven’t spoken to him since.

In 2014, is there still stigma about the number of men that a woman has had sex with? What about the number of women a man has had sex with? What is an appropriate “number” of sexual partners?

My friend James told me that when I meet a new guy I should lie about the number of men I’ve been with. He said that it’s a little white lie that everyone tells. I don’t think that any relationship should start out with lies—even little white ones.

My other friend Zach told me that if I needed to lie to someone about my sexual past, that I shouldn’t be with that person anyway. He also asked if I would consider having sex with a virgin—and I said absolutely. Some people have more experience than others, but that doesn’t affect who that person is.

I wouldn’t judge someone by the amount of sexual partners they have had. As long as you’re practicing safe, consensual sex and being tested regularly, I don’t see why a number should be a deal-breaker. Call me a feminist or sexually progressive! Everyone enjoys sex and, in our culture, you don’t have to be in a relationship to have sex or enjoy it. The number of partners that I have had is not who I am. It’s what I’ve done.

 

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